'Tis The Season!

It's December! I cannot communicate the excitement I am feeling. It's caught me a little by surprise! I've always loved Christmas but the last couple of years I have not been as excited as I usually am, but judging how I feel today I'm making up for those fairly merry years this Christmas! Eeeeek! Normally, it is the season to gorge and wait for New Year to roll around to start fresh, but this year I am taking a fresh approach.  This Christmas is all about looking after myself.  By this I mean, not neglecting self care in the rush and stress of the season.
It's so easy to do, though.  Rushing around getting presents, visiting friends and family whilst trying to keep up with the day to day running of life.  I usually go to the bottom of the list! But this year will be different, I am going to keep myself groomed (which mill keep my other half happy, hehe) and moisturise every other day.  I'll keep my nails done, this is basically the 'girliest' I ever get being a bit of a tom boy.  But most importantly I will eat well and attend my workouts which are in my diary.  I will indulge, but only if I want to and not because it's Christmas or because I feel I should.  I've got two nights out this week and then nothing until Christmas itself.  Hardly enough to put me off track for the whole month.

So, I end this post brimming with positivity and festive joy knowing this month will be awesome!

Merry Christmas!

It's a rollercoaster!

Why is it, that when you start to feel like you're winning, something happens that makes you think you're actually not? What's even more insane is when the very think that has destroyed your positivity isn't a big deal, and is definitely no reason to give in. 

This, I think, is the mindset of the serial dieter. The mindset that has been created by the weight loss industry themselves to keep business booming! Now, I do not consider myself to be a slave to this industry anymore. I do exercise I enjoy, I follow a healthy eating regime that I can do forever and now a crazy fad-diet when I see one! However, because I have previously hoped that SlimFast, diet pills, and restricting calories to the extreme will get me to my dream body in the past, part of my mind is poisoned.  It is going to take a long time to get rid of this but  I feel like I'm slowly chipping away at it.

This morning, I tried my ski pants and they were too big - result! I then tried on some snow jackets when shopping, all in a size small, and they fit me well. This day is awesome! Then, I try size 10 (the next size down for me) in a cut I've not worn before and because they sit right smack on my hip bone I can't even do them up. I was confident I would fit into a 10. But I couldn't. Now, the reason this is stupid to be upset about is because I am a 10 on top and on jeans and trousers that sit above my hip. But due to my pear-shaped body I am still a size 12 for anything that only goes up to my hips.

I know there are so many people who, if read this post, would scream at me 'I'd do anything to be your size!', 'You don't know how lucky you are' etc, etc. But this is exactly my point! The rational part of my brain is telling me this is nothing to worry about, I'm essentially in the final phase because when I can wear size 10 jeans on my hips I consider myself done. But the poisoned part of mind, the part that tells me to get the doughnuts, informs me that this is how it'll always be. Me, standing in a changing room with trousers I can't fasten up. Thankfully, the rational Kimmy is becoming more confident and out spoken, telling evil Kimmy to shut the fuck up and feel the wrath of weights.

The progress I showed is that I did resist two opportunities to eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Something that would have definitely comforted me in the past. I did have my support system with me, though. I just need to tell myself I will get there. I've made progress so far, whilst being for from perfect. 

Probably the most important thing I realised today is - no one cares!!! Only I care about what I look like and even if I do wear size 12 snow pants on the slopes no one will at me any differently than if I were in size 10. I do like my shape, so I shouldn't feel disheartened just because my body is doing it's thing! Love your bodies , ladies. Each one is unique and awesome.

I am full of positivity and have a spring in my step today!  Mostly to disguise the fact I look a mess, haha! But you don't care about that.  Last night I lost 1.5 lbs!!!!!! It was a day later than usual, yes, but a loss is a loss.  I use stones and pounds usually when referring to my weight, but I got very excited when I realised that I had sneaked under 150 lbs, weighing in at 149.5 lbs.  Also, I am a less than a stone (14 lbs) away from my first goal! When I get to 9 stone 10 lbs I'll assess how I fell and get my body fat measured etc, to see if I want to get down to 9 stone 4 lbs, the magic number I reached a long time ago, but was only there briefly.  Very briefly..

I got a sweat on as well after my weigh in.  I did an entire Kettlecise class with my 8 kg kettlebell. I am happy and almost proud! I thought I would struggle because I was using a six last time, and despite what anyone thinks, Kettlecise is intense and non-stop.  I get a great sweat and can barely walk for a couple of days after. I even felt strong, and can feel muscles working, which is what I wanted.  I then went home, had my cheat meal of a chippy tea and watched I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! It was an awesome episode and I ate the most beautiful chips, sausage and mushy peas I have ever had.  I think they tasted so good because I had really earned them :)

Delayed weigh in and illness continues

All in all this week has been good.  I tried to do an Extra Easy SP week at slimming world, which roughly translates to having no free foods, only speed foods and proteins.  I've really enjoyed - mostly because you get a second healthy extra B! Woo hoo!  On the flip side I have been fairly ill.  I had the sore throat from hell where I though my tonsils may explode and now I have the cold part, included with puffy eye and runny nostril. Yes, as always, just the one.  I have managed to exercise twice which went well and I'm hoping to be fit enough to do Kettlecise after weigh in tonight

I love kettlebells! Haven't done it properly in ages, so I'll be happy to see how/if I've gotten any better. I'm planning to do the class with an 8kg bell. I'm excited at just the thought of it.  Kettlecise was the first exercise that really changed my body and started me on my weight lifting path.  Not that instead on being a body builder, I just want to be strong with beautifully defined muscles.  That's my dream. To life above average for a woman and look lean doing it.

How did that happen!?!

Ok, so I've just got in from my weigh in and I lost 2.5 lb! So I lost the 1.5 lb I gained last week, and a pound extra! I had no right to either, hahaha!
I'm going to take this, very thankfully, as the week I got away with murder!
The action plan is still in place, people! My diet plan is whirling around my mind and will soon be on paper. I'm excited! Despite my horrendously sore throat. Onwards and downwards 😀

Plan of action?

This week has not gone well. At all. There were yummy birthday celebrations, random fainting episodes meaning I missed a work out, and a positive Saturday morning weigh in! Basically, a very up and down week.  I tried to get back on track the last couple of days, but I very much doubt my Slimming World group tonight will give me a loss on the scale.  But, these are the lessons I need to learn! Life happens! Birthdays! Tragedies! Massive chocolate cravings!

I am trying to remain positive, whatever happens tonight, because I am looking at this as a new phase. The 'Pre-Christmas' Phase. I have written in my diary all the workouts I will complete between now and Christmas.  If I stick to this, I should still be on track! My diet l'll plan week by week, strategising depending on what I have planned during the week ahead. 

I feel positive about this plan, but I am emotionally fragile. The scale tonight could devastate me. I also have an horrendous sore throat, which usually means I'm going to be ill for the next week. This is NOT part of my plan. 

Fingers crossed. Wish me luck!

The journey is never a simple one.

I always find it amazing how success stories never include all the struggles that person must have gone through to get to their goal.  I've been attending a slimming world group for about 6 weeks and the first four went slow but well, I managed to lose half a stone, then I gained, which happened at the inconvenient time because I had two birthdays this week and things haven't gone great. So I'm kind of dreading my weigh in on Tuesday, but hopefully will be able to stay the same, if not lose something.  The people who go to the group are very inspiring and all have struggles, some have colossal gains, some seem to get away with dieting murder.  One woman claimed to have eaten five Krispy Kreme doughnuts at the weekend and still lose weight. FIVE DOUGHNUTS!!!! As you can tell by my blog title, that's my nemesis. I love Krispy Kreme.

Based on previous dieting/training program attempts, this is the point where I start to lose it and not really care.  And I've had those thoughts this week.  I've started to think, maybe just clean eating is the way - the way my gym promotes.  I can do it without the support, etc. But this is what I always do.  As soon as I struggle or it seems to get more difficult, I start looking for another solution, instead of persevering on, like the people in the success stories.  I've tried enough times to know that very few people have the dream journey where nothing goes wrong.  But life happens! Celebrations! Tragedies! Temptations! It's recognising these as bumps in the road and moving on, because we'll still get there in the long run.  I've had a few bumps the last couple of weeks, but all my efforts have not been ruined. I've not become the fatty I was before. I do have a large food baby from the curry I have just consumed in honour of my partners birthday, but this will pass and will just carry on.

I will look at the time between now and Christmas as a new phase, another chapter of my journey and see where I get. I'm hoping to be 10 stone 5lb by Christmas. I was 10 stone 10.8lb on my scales yesterday morning, so it's definitely achievable. I've decided to weigh in on my scales on a Saturday morning and then at Slimming World on a Tuesday evening. Let's see if this screws me up this time.

What we all must remember is, that no matter how big your goal is, or how far away it may seem, it's always easier to look at it in manageable chunks. Otherwise we'd all go crazy! So, here's to the beginning of another phase and moving food with delicious food memories.

I finally learnt to tie my shoe laces!

No, I'm not a simpleton who has only just learnt how to tie laces after 29 years of life, but I did find out how to properly tie my laces on my running shoes, preventing any movement or discomfort! It was amazing!

I have to say, though. The run itself was much more amazing. I ran a Race for Life 10k in July, and have maybe ran about 3km-5km a few times after 2 months of no running since then. This usually means I have to start from the beginning again, to try and build my stamina. Considering I'm doing another 10k in a couple of weeks, I realised I needed to get some miles under my belt. So I headed out, thinking I'll go as far as I can. I have a mile route around my house, which is handy because if I'm not feeling it I can head back in without too much hassle. But I ventured further this time, running around a lake nearby to break up the laps. I saw that I was doing well, and feeling good, so I kept going....and going. I decided to push for the 10k. And I got it. I ran 10.6km!

I couldn't believe it. I wasn't even crawling on the floor to get home. I recovered quickly. I felt athletic. I got beeped at twice by a car and a van! It was rather random. Stuff like that doesn't happen to me. Who would beep at my thundering thighs plodding down the street? Maybe they are not as offensive as I think?

The work I have been doing to the gym I go to must really be paying off, because I most certainly haven't been running. Who gets better at running without running!? Perhaps it was a fluke, and next time I head out normal service will resume and I will be huffing and puffing my way along the pavements. Even if it does, my moment can not be taken away from me.

Silently progressing and slowly believing

I am happy to report that this entry is not a 'Oh no, I'm back at square one and am starting all over again!' kind of post.  Progression has been made, although I have no hard statistics to back this up.  It's obvious that health isn't determined by numbers alone, and although this is something I learned awhile ago, I have only just started to believe it in the last few months.  

I have been exercising consistently because I found something I love to do.  To be fair, exercise hasn't been a problem for me all year,  I've had maybe two months in total where I haven't been regularly moving my arse, what has been a problem is food.

This shouldn't come as a surprise to me, as this battle between a love of fitness and obsession with doughnuts inspired my blog title.  It still saddens me that this is yet another attempt to win.  To achieve balance. To be able to go to Costa, have a coffee and a muffin and move on. I would then usually make the worst decision possible for my next meal, and snack on crisps, biscuits and chocolate to really ruin all of my efforts.  

This makes no logically sense, because the muffin would not have caused that much damaged.  Plenty of fit and healthy people have treats occasionally.  Heidi Powell, partner in crime to Chris Powell from Extreme Weight Loss, said on one of her youtube videos that she has a 'Morning Bun' every day.  I believe this is an american Starbucks thing? It looked like a cinnamon roll, but the without the icing. Mmmm, icing. It may be available here, but I'm not really a Starbucks person (go, Costa Coffee!!!!!).  Anyway, the point is - she looks awesome! She is superfit, a mother, and is mega-busy but has her daily treat.  And does not gain a million pounds every week.

I think muscle is the key.  I kind of forgot the awesome fact that muscle burns more calories than fat just by sitting there. Not doing anything!  Considering I work as an Admin-bird, that sounds pretty good. Plus I like lifting heavy things.  Feeling strong is awesome.  Who wouldn't want to?

The Last First Day

It's safe to say when bloggers ain't blogging, things aren't going to plan. My plan hasn't gone completely off the rails, but it hasn't moved forward either.

Anyway. I'm back in the game. Changing habits and kicking ass. For the next 84 days and beyond! Yes, 'whatever' I hear you cry, but this time needs to be different. So, today is day one. The LAST day one I'll ever have. And although I've started it off with a cold, meaning I can't train, today has gone quite well 😊

Lightbulb Moment

Generally, when a weight-loss blogger doesn't post for awhile, it isn't because they are dominating the world with their abs of steel, or going around opening jars for old ladies with their thighs. Nine times out of ten, they're getting fatter. Now I had had some good and bad weeks during my silence, but my weight is only up a few pounds, and my size roughly the same. My fitness, however, has improved. This has led me to a light bulb moment, which I need to put down somewhere before I forget.

I am fitter. I am stronger. I have had bad patches, overcome them, and have worked my way to where I am now. I think I am basically realising that I have improved without being perfect. I have improved in many ways, whilst I have also being 'failing'.  This provides tremendous hope my future. My future weight, my future body, my future sporting challenges and my future sex life (who doesn't want improvement there?).

I have been going to a bootcamp since the start of the year, and although I love it and it does work, it lacks the weight training I craze.  Running is my go to cardio exercise but I always feel incredible doing weight training. Don't get me wrong, I have had my arsed kicked with body weight training alone, but that will only get me so far.  I decided this month would be my last one, and I would use gym membership instead.  I have a 10k to train for, as well as the Great Manchester Cycle. I'd love to do them all, but work takes up 9 hours of my day Monday to Friday. I also plan to use my kettlebell more. I love kettlebells! The most physical changes I have ever seen in my own body have been because of kettlebells. This week I decided to have a go at one of my DVDs. I grabbed my 6kg bell and went for it. I sweated like a bitch, my face wasn't too red, which is good, and I was able to push. I had been feeling weak because I hadn't done weight training in so long, and I expected to ache a lit from thw kettlebell. But today, two days aftwr my kettlebell workout, I realised I had no DOMS.
This was amazing.  Even though I hadn't used my kettlebell in so long, I was so much stronger that I could work so hard and not feel it. Cue the idea I need more weight. I start to play with my boyfriend's 9kg kettlebell.  I can do it. I did some basic exercises and I know I will struggle doing a whole workout, but I have something to work towards. I can use a 9kg kettlebell. I am so excited! I now can't wait to train for my run and bike ride and improve with my kettlebell and see where I am in 8 weeks time! My diet needs improvement, and it will always be something I have to work on, but if I eat clean 90% I will get somewhere very exciting.

I may need to read this post everyday for the next few day's, as I have a habit of having these moments and forgetting exactly what happened. Thank you, Internet.

Moving forward.

I have been doing an 8 week clean eating challenge at my bootcamp. There's a cash prize for the best transformation, but that wasn't reason I joined in. I wanted the knowledge of how to get lean and reduce my body fat. I wanted rules! I like structure. I thought, if I'm told what I can and cannot have, I can't fail. I started off well, soon realising that it wasn't all that different to what I had already been doing. The key changes were cutting out wheat, no coffee or black tea with milk, no cow's milk and no dressings. I though the hardest thing would be no tea! Tea defines me. I'm stereotypically english that way. But after 4 weeks with decent results, I thought it would be ok to indulge a little in a buffet to celebrate my manager's 30th Birthday. This was the beginning of it all.

I felt crap after that buffet. Because I felt like crap,  I wanted to eat crap. When you say this out loud, or write it down, it sounds completely ridiculous! It's like falling down the stairs, breaking your leg, and then deciding to break the other one! STUPID! But I did it anyway. I then struggled the following week, I developed a bad cold which affected my breathing and concentration, so I missed bootcamp and gym sessions trying not to make it worse. Did I feed my bady good things so it would heal itself quicker? Nah. I had a sore through, so I wanted cereal with milk and soup and toast, mmmmmmmm.
I was starting to feel better by the weekend, deciding I would get my act together and eat right over the weekend and beyond. When I got home Friday evening, I found out my email had been hacked. Stuff had been ordered on my card, they tried to get into my accounts and they even stile my phone contract (I had left my phone at home that day). I was like a zombie for the next 24 hours and in no state to focus anything other than getting things sorted. By Sunday evening, the worst was over and I decided this would not distract me anymore. But, low and behold, I woke up Monday with my cold again. I missed another bootcamp. By Wednesday I was back at bootcamp and the rest of the week was ok. I evwn suprised my on the treadmill at the gym by running at 9km/h, sonething I haven't done for years.

Today I submitted results, basically showing a slight gain on the scale and a lot of inches having returned to my body. I've been annpyed all day, mostly because it was my decisions that caused this, but also because I gave in so easily. When I was making bad choices I knew there were bad! I knew they would set me back weeks,  but I did it anyway. I need to learn how to deal with such situations and not lose the plot.

I know this clean eating lifestyle is exactly that, a lifestyle. I know I need to eat this way forever to enjoy optimal health and happiness, so I'm going to let this setbavk ruin the future. I'm commited to going to bootcamp and to the gym regularly. I'm  commited to eating clean and developing my nutrition knowledge, and I also an fully aware that I will have bad days,  takeaways, evenings out and the odd sausage bap on a camping weekend away.  There's a bigfer picture here. If I keeping going, through the pain and the emotional struggles, who knows where I will be. I am a work in progress, and as long as I am progressing I am happy. When I turn 29 in July, who knows what my after picture will look like? I'll be excited to see it.

Mean to be Clean

Eating clean should be the simplest thing in the world. We have all the knowledge to know what's good and bad and yet diet always seens to be the thing that stumps people. Probably because of the 'good' and the 'bad'. I'm beginning to accept, because I have known for many years, it is about balance. A treat now and then will nit throw all your efforts out if the window, yet a lot of us still do it. One of my favourite analogies is; if you get a flat tyre, you do not then slash the remaining three tyres, you change the flat and carry on with your journey. Why I cannot apply this to my food habits is still baffling me, but I am getting better. 

I completed a Midnight Walk for a local hospice at the weekend, and my friend and I completed the half marathon distance in 2 hours 50 minutes. Not bad for just walking. I've got a 10k Race For Life run in 2 weeks and as much as I enjoy training for sport and charity events, I'm definitely spending the next 6 months focusing on getting strong and getting lean. It'll be a rocky road, with many slip ups. Especially with my birthday and a holiday not far off. But it'll be worth it. But can I do it? My mind works in funny ways. One time I will crave routine and commitment to training, then all I will want to do is do what I want,  which is normally resistance training. When i have allowed this before, I've completely lost all discipline and end up where I started originally, if not in a worse place.

This time it feels different. I feel it's possible. I just need to keep it simple and not rush. My impatience is epic and that will be the most challenging part, but by giving myself a whole year to get 'shredded' the pressure is already off. And with birthdays, Christmas, New Year and Easter etc, I know there will be days when I falter. As I usually aim for perfection, this also lifts a lot of pressure from my shoulders. 

I intend to blog regularly about this year's journey. Much more regularly that I have done! It could be interesting, it could be dull as dishwater, there's only one way to find out 😊

Is it wrong?

It is really bad, that I watch films and wish that would happen to me? And more to the point, that I am fit and skilled enough to deal with situations? I don't mean the rom-com style films, or the more interesting '50 shades....', but films like 'RED'.  That's what's on while I write this. Between wishing I could wield a firearm so smoothly, and thinking that someone who doesn't like Bruce Willis can't be trusted, I am trying to figure out why I have eaten what I just have.  Crisps, biscuits, and chocolate. Tomorrow is the beginning of Lent , I suppose, My chance to regain control! If only I didn't lose control so easily, like a child in a toy shop.  If I carry on like this, I'll never take down some crazed, egotistical, ex-military arms dealer!

I do the same when I play Tomb Raider.  Who wouldn't want to be Lara Croft?! She's intelligent, athletic, can kick ass and has an amazing body! I'll take her as a role model over Kim Kardashian, any day!  I'm not really sure what I'm going on about here. It must be the sugar, or the cold my body decided it would take on today.

Anyway, this is a rambling first entry to my blog.  Created in a moment slight clarity and definite despair,  Hopefully, through getting my thoughts out here I'll be able to finally find balance between doughnuts and dumbbells (I had to get it in, didn't I?).   I love both of these things. I love the strength I get from squatting with a barbell and doing a push up from my toes. Unfortunately, I also love the gooey, sweet sensation of a Krispy Kreme doughnut......amongst other things.

I need to find out how I can exercise and get the body I want, whilst also enjoying all the lovely things I like to eat.  I think this is the true reason I want to blog about this.  I'll just see where I end up!  

Right, I'm off to make pancakes.  Then, tomorrow. Another chance to get it all right!