It's a rollercoaster!

Why is it, that when you start to feel like you're winning, something happens that makes you think you're actually not? What's even more insane is when the very think that has destroyed your positivity isn't a big deal, and is definitely no reason to give in. 

This, I think, is the mindset of the serial dieter. The mindset that has been created by the weight loss industry themselves to keep business booming! Now, I do not consider myself to be a slave to this industry anymore. I do exercise I enjoy, I follow a healthy eating regime that I can do forever and now a crazy fad-diet when I see one! However, because I have previously hoped that SlimFast, diet pills, and restricting calories to the extreme will get me to my dream body in the past, part of my mind is poisoned.  It is going to take a long time to get rid of this but  I feel like I'm slowly chipping away at it.

This morning, I tried my ski pants and they were too big - result! I then tried on some snow jackets when shopping, all in a size small, and they fit me well. This day is awesome! Then, I try size 10 (the next size down for me) in a cut I've not worn before and because they sit right smack on my hip bone I can't even do them up. I was confident I would fit into a 10. But I couldn't. Now, the reason this is stupid to be upset about is because I am a 10 on top and on jeans and trousers that sit above my hip. But due to my pear-shaped body I am still a size 12 for anything that only goes up to my hips.

I know there are so many people who, if read this post, would scream at me 'I'd do anything to be your size!', 'You don't know how lucky you are' etc, etc. But this is exactly my point! The rational part of my brain is telling me this is nothing to worry about, I'm essentially in the final phase because when I can wear size 10 jeans on my hips I consider myself done. But the poisoned part of mind, the part that tells me to get the doughnuts, informs me that this is how it'll always be. Me, standing in a changing room with trousers I can't fasten up. Thankfully, the rational Kimmy is becoming more confident and out spoken, telling evil Kimmy to shut the fuck up and feel the wrath of weights.

The progress I showed is that I did resist two opportunities to eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Something that would have definitely comforted me in the past. I did have my support system with me, though. I just need to tell myself I will get there. I've made progress so far, whilst being for from perfect. 

Probably the most important thing I realised today is - no one cares!!! Only I care about what I look like and even if I do wear size 12 snow pants on the slopes no one will at me any differently than if I were in size 10. I do like my shape, so I shouldn't feel disheartened just because my body is doing it's thing! Love your bodies , ladies. Each one is unique and awesome.